Couples Counseling Sessions After You’ve Discovered an Affair

When you learn that your partner or spouse has been involved in an affair you may feel confused, angry, betrayed, and as if an enormous breach of trust has occurred. Questions regarding whether or not your relationship will survive, or if you even want it to, may be overwhelming. Learning about an extra-marital affair is not easy. In fact, it is often so sensitive that you may struggle to cope with the matter without a helping hand. A couples counselor, like a couples counselor in Palatine, IL, could really help individuals and couples who have been impacted by an affair. 

How a Couples Counselor May Be Able to Help You

Affairs are common in a relationship. While there is no known single reason for this to happen, there are typically various factors or circumstances that lead up to it happening. As a couples counselor might explain, an affair could be the result of:

  • A mid-life crisis
  • Unsatisfactory love life
  • Frequent travel
  • Stress
  • Depression
  • Loss of interest
  • Loss of attraction
  • Feeling that needs are not being met
  • Lack of attention given to one another

If you’re trying to cope with an extramarital affair, a couples counselor can hear what you need to say. You will have the opportunity to open up and share your thoughts and feelings in a safe, discreet environment. Your partner can be there to listen and share their own thoughts about the situation. Your counselor may guide the two of you to a certain goal or objective, but will not be there to judge either of you. Topics that may be discussed in a couples counseling session include:

  • The history of your relationship
  • Indifferences
  • Why you are together
  • One another’s’ needs
  • Things your relationship may be lacking
  • Grievances with one another
  • Why you’ve come to couples counseling
  • Your goals

Couples counseling sessions tend to last between 45 minutes and 1.5 hours; however, the average time is an hour. In general, 3-6 months or more will be required to reach your objectives. Although online sessions may be an option, a couples counselor might prefer that you meet in person. The goals of couples counseling can include:

  • Heal from the affair
  • Re-build trust
  • Re-learn how to appreciate one another
  • Find time to spend with one another
  • Improve communication and dialogue
  • Improve your love life
  • Utilize practical tools to better the relationship

If One of You is Against Couples Counseling

It is common for one spouse, particularly the one who may have been involved in the affair, to not wish to go to couples counseling sessions. In the event that only one of you are interested in counseling, you should pursue them. These sessions can encourage healing, boost your self esteem, and teach you how to communicate better. You can also explore how you really feel about the relationship and make decisions that help you to determine what it is you want. 

Thanks to Lotus Wellness Center for their insight into what couples counseling might look like after an affair.